February 2012
108 posts
sexually attracted to apathy
everyone always lists things like family and friends under “six things i could never do without.” why is it so hard to find someone to date who can’t live without things like flan and reggaeton
i want to believe that there are food service employees who know how to properly assemble a burrito. i really want to.
but none of them can.
when you are adding beans, you have to drain them. you just have to. you cannot put liquid into a burrito without destroying its structural integrity.
you must be liberal with the adding of cheese. you cannot simply put one smattering. you must distribute...
i need to drink alcohols on skype tonight
“i am not your typical gay guy”
– typical gay guys
Anonymous asked: Are you a christian? I've seen you mention a few times that your dad is a pastor..
1 tag
just saw a man devouring a burrito in his car and immediately said out loud “gpoy”
i bet adele could so outdrink me
sometimes i think about how much more entertaining facebook would be if i didn’t have 80% of my news feed hidden
wontonpoop:
throws everything off a cliff
i went outside to feed my dog just now and he didn’t even get up to greet me. as i refilled his water tub and poured food into his little metal bowl, he just lay there and watched me without so much as a tail wag. i don’t think he likes me anymore. he is weird. he is sad. he is a weird sad dog and today it is making me feel weird and sad.
on the phone with this bitch from creditreport.com
me: hello i need to cancel my membership thank you
her: hello please keep the membership
me: no
her: but you get so many benefits
me: no
her: i will lower the price for you please keep it oh my god
me: no i am canceling it right now on this day. i no longer need access to my credit report
her: oh, are you getting rid of your internet?
me: n-- yes i am getting rid of my internet
bleh
i need a back massage and some sort of recompense for having to put on a suit and tie and become a human person before the sun was up
sex bacon sells
just misspelled bananas. should have listened to more gwen stefani
note
all it takes is one weak pinky to turn “closest friend” into “closet friend”
i love that when the united nations sends you a rejection email they reject you in three languages
i keep hearing a distant drumming, like someone’s repeatedly banging on a wall somewhere
jumanji
“although your qualifications were impressive…”
i wrote “Web site” correctly in a cover letter today which means they’ll notice it and hire me right
thinking about getting a very large chest tattoo but i don’t know if i will still like martha stewart 20 years from now
instead of going to college i should have become an american idol runner-up doing pep rallies at southern middle schools
Anonymous asked: Would you rather sleep 22 hours a day or always be frowning
“He is! Very polite. And also, they don’t want to poop in front of you. They’ll...”
– an entire paragraph of martha stewart talking about dogs pooping
“life is short. drive fast and leave a sexy corpse”